October Wane

It's 10:17 pm. Charles is curled up next to me, waiting for me to put the computer to bed, and then myself. He's getting up at 6:00 tomorrow morning, to get things done so we can leave for Lake Charles tomorrow night.

We have to go to a funeral. Diane, Charles' brother Mark's wife, died suddenly Friday night of a stroke or heart attack. I don't know yet which. She and Mark had just - and I mean, like a week - moved to Philadelphia from Johannesburg, South Africa. She was about 57 years old.

Diane was a beautiful, graceful, grace-filled woman. She always had a warm and inviting smile, was an incredibly lovely woman with a true and abiding faith that I was frankly in awe of. This is the first death for Charles' immediate family, and it's not been easy.

This comes on the heels of our finding out that my sister in law Lisa, my brother John's wife, has stage 4 lung cancer. Lisa is 38, the mother of four, the youngest of which is 6 months. Yes, she smoked, but that was about 13 years ago. Since that point, she's lived an enviably clean life, very healthy, very much an advocate for taking one's health both personally and seriously. She also has a very deep and abiding faith. It's doing its job now - this is what faith is there for, to carry us through the darkest moments of our lives. Hers and John's is carrying them through this.

There's a train in the distance while I'm writing this. Trains have been a soundtrack through Charles' and my life together. Charles' first apartment had a train track nearby, and at night we would lie awake together and listen to it go by - it's such a wonderful sound. It's had a haunting presence for us - our lives are moving by us with the train, moment by moment, the wheels chugging as the days go by, carrying us to the next stop.

There are many of you I've not had a chance to talk to lately, but my heart aches for you, wants you to know how very very precious you are to me and to Charles. I had a chance to talk to my dear friend Theresa, and just the sound of her sweet voice in my ear was a balm to the soul and I'm so grateful.

It's time to let Charles go to sleep.

Loveyou.

Ce