It's been a looooong time since my last post. A lot has happened since that point.
I was rebuilt in January of 2009. I'm no longer a uni-boob. It's quite nice - the surgery was difficult as all hell, but I'm so grateful to have new breasts. I do and don't miss breast tissue... I have no breasts or female organs; it's sobering to realize my body could not sustain those parts of me. But I don't have to worry about their going bad any longer and that's a real relief.
It's 3:45 in the morning and there's a lot on my mind.
The cancer experiences I've been through have altered my perceptions in so many ways. I'm sure those of you who are reading this who have gone through your own journeys will understand: Real pain has the potential to deepen one's ability to identify with others' real pain. I understand how painful pain really is. It's no longer possible for me to listen to news reports without somehow connecting to how the people in the story - or other living creatures - are being affected by what is happening to them, like in the Gulf of Mexico. It's difficult for me to hear and even more difficult for me to understand why other people allow such horrible things to happen.
When Hillary Clinton was running for president, she asked women to provide feedback on what they thought needed to be done to fight breast cancer. My question was, who's collateral damage am I? What executive or engineering team or investment group found it acceptable that a certain percentage of a particular population around their industrial operation or industrialized farm would be negatively affected by their chemical usage and waste?
That question is easily extended to - who finds it acceptable that the Gulf of Mexico spill continue unchecked? Who finds it acceptable that the Gulf of Niger is polluted? Who finds it acceptable that the Amazonian indigenous people are suffering from severe lead and cadmium poisoning because of petroleum spills that cover their area? (Here's the link for more information: http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=127992348)
When I've expressed concerns over the Gulf of Mexico spill, there have been others in my world (who will remain nameless) who've sniffed at my concern and said "This too shall pass," and then went on to read their Wall Street Journal. The spill is negligible compared to the need for oil. It's not affecting me. Why should I care?
I care because now I feel the pain of each animal that finds itself inexplicably sick. I am suffocating along with the dolphins trying to breathe as they come up for air. I'm dying with the pelicans who are coated in oil.
I'm crying with the fishermen of the Gulf who have lost their livelihoods.
My insides are becoming sick with the people who are being exposed to horrible chemicals while they clean the beaches and replacing the booms.
I'm crying with God as She looks on her creation and asks "What have they done?????"
I'm also with the people watching their land being torn apart because someone thousands of miles away has to drive a big SUV. Or has to have all their foods wrapped in plastic. Or who just generally doesn't think "barbarians," as the Victorians would say, have a right to their land, their way of life or a general sense of peace because others with more money need their resources.
And this is what is keeping me awake. Perhaps I shouldn't be allowed near a computer late at night...
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